to reclaim that unadorned self

My dear friend told me once about a book written by a guy who worked with mentally handicapped people and shared God's love with them. In his book that man describes his amazing experience, how he had to undergo the transformation from a highly educated academic person into a simple human being whose simplicity and realness would leave readers in awe.
And here are few lines from Henri Nouwen's book that my friend shared with me:

"God is a God of the present and reveals to those who are willing to listen carefully to the moment in which they live the steps they are to take toward the future."
"Not being able to use any of the skills that had proved so practical in the past was a real source of anxiety. I was suddenly faced with my naked self, open for affirmations and rejections, hugs and punches, smiles and tears, all dependant on simply on how I was perceived at the moment. In a way, it seemed as though I was starting my life all over again. Relationships, connections, reputations could no longer be counted on. This experience was and, in many ways, is still the most important experience of my new life, because it forced me to rediscover my true identity. These broken, wounded, and completely unpretentious people forced me to let go of my relevant self - the self that can do things, show things, prove things, build things - and forced me to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments." Henri Nouwen.

the first meeting through Rachel

I thought that 2 days ago the load of information, detailed info, about my project in Klosterneuburg was, at some level, exhausting. Well, God has the best sense of humor and knows that I love learning new things. Hmmm...true, I do love that..but NOT that fast :)

This morning I got an amazing email(including pictures) from a lovely lady who works with those handicapped people in Whonheim (Wg) - residential care home. She wrote an amazing introduction of the inhabitants at Wg and I would love to share her email so that you could also have a glimpse at what I will be doing in Klosterneuburg for 9 months.

We have 2 Wohnheime. Called Wg1 and Wg2. I'm working in Wg1. It is an old house with a lot atmosphere. There are 10 person with a mental handicap. 1 Women (Elfi, 46 years old, a bit bossy, but also very helpful. She is also deaf, so we communicate with gestures and a bit of writing. She likes cooking, doing work on the computer, going to the cinema, doing art projects.) and 9 Men:

Markus (also called Maxi) 30 Years and Chris (Christian, 9 years). They are our "youngsters" and they behave like 14 , 15 years old and have like brothers a lot of word fights with each other. Markus likes sport (biking, swimming, skiing) and cooking (he cooks every second Sunday), doing art projects and going out. Chris likes to be lazy (but mostly because he is unsure if can cope with things - in the little village, where he comes from, he was always the stupid one). But if he starts doing things, he does them good and likes doing it (swimming, cooking, art projects).
Paul (60) is our genius. He loves working at computer and reading; His mind stores facts in an amazing way, especially geographic facts. He also likes cooking.
Helmut (43) is our musician, he can play the keyboard by memory (lots of songs but also improvising), he likes cooking and swimming.
Gottfried is our "witty clown". He doesn't lile being hurried and enjoys sitting in the garden doing nothing at all (he hates walking), except joking with you.
What he likes is dancing and eating :-)
Wolfgang (52) is the silent one. He enjoys doing things (like going out, walking, ...) and drawing.
Georg (41) is also deaf and autistic. He likes to watch TV and cooking. He is very interested in everything, but also likes to be on his own. If he doesn't get the things according to his wishes he likes to show his "I'm going to die from heart attack show". He can draw really nice pictures and together with his father he has travelled and travels a lot in Europe.
His sister (Gertrud) is working as member of staff in the WG1.
Karl 62 is the eldest and also blind. He likes the games he can play and is not a great one for sport and walking, but he loves folks music and likes dancing.

And last but not least: Rainer. I think he is the most demanding. He quite clever but also autistic and he never learned to take care of himself (his mother still feeds him). So dressing and washing and all those thing have to be done. He is nearly 2 Meters big and very active and restless (walking all the time). He doesn't like to be asked join in in the activities and at the same time he doesn't like to be alone. This makes him quite often unhappy.
His idea of us is we should be like his mother (which we don't want to be).
We all try to make him more self reliant.

I cannot wait till I meet those people in real life. Obviously, this it is going to be such a challenging time. But I hope and pray that God would use me in all the ways so that my character would be transformed and strengthen.

still movements

on people and words

they surprise you with belated Bday gifts and a postcard that has a smiling face on its envelope..they listen to you when you nervously open up and taking the risk of showing the real yourself, sharing your passions, fears, challenges, achievements, plans, pain, and all that is vaguely reflected in the eyes of a listener, or should I say, the listener, for at that very moment that person in front of you is somebody that is worth living for...people make me smile, people make me cry, they appear out of nowhere and settle down deep in me - I have a little part of all of them, like a mosaic picture. People change, they are able to changing others...I am on of them, a human being undergoing constant changes and realising the capability to change.It starts with thinking, proceeds to verbalization, and finally a long process of applying it in practice. "Students are the new leaders of their country" - once a friend told me. But because of the mutuality of our relationship with one another we cannot make changes without involving one another and without supporting each other. United we are strong, in love and trust we are strong.
"People are my passion" - I say that so often, and soon I will be given an opportunity to check how my statements and definitions work in real life situation. Am I able to have the same passion for those who are different, for those who live in a world less "busy" and "globalized" then mine, those who are able more through their disabilities?
...I preach what I need to learn the most, we befriend something that is dragging us down and it invite our "disabilities" to walk with us, walk forward, work hand in hand. I will name " a disaster" or "a misfortune" in my life by the name that will soften its nature. Why shouldn't I? Pray that God would keep this fire in me when I walk in life ,when I walk among people and with them, when I am around them and in their hearts.
..."your speak so wisely, and your wisdom is real" - she said. The simplicity is the beauty - that is what I was thinking in my heart. I accept and value every piece of wisdom I am granted and sharing it with others feels like eating the most amazing ice cream in the middle of Sahara desert.
People, man, people...they are the colors in my life.

Pre-departure mood

Just a week ago I knew so few things about my project in Austria, and yesterday all the info simply fell on me like a tone of bricks. well, cannot complaint - that's what I prayed for ;. So, July 1st 6.15pm I am taking a flight Vilnius-Stockholm-Vienna. And at about midnight in Vienna the whole adventure will look so REAL. I will be in the country that is fond of the German l-ge, will be living in a residential care home for physically and mentally handicapped people, the place is called Whonheim St.Martin, and it's 30min drive away from Vienna, in a small village called Klosterneuburg. As far as I know the place is really beautiful and has lots of great sights and amazing nature. My task will be taking care of the residents in the Whonheim - helped them in all they do, join them in their daily activities and share my interests with them. Basically, from July 1st to May 31st 2008 I will be living with those people and taking care of them, helping them and also I am willing to learn and discover all about those people, Klosterneuburg, Vienna, German, Austria...I am open to all things!
I will be working 5 days a week and my daily routine is rather fixed: (principle Mo.-Fr. 7-8,5 a.m. and 4-8 p.m. and 1x weekend/month). I must say, very unusual work schedule, but I will have to learn now how live with it. I guess I will have to learn how to get up early in the morning...honestly, I have abandoned that ability of mine :)!
In the very beginning of my volunteering I will be entitled to intensive German classes in Vienna, it's is important for communication plays a huge role in all I am doing. Yes, I have a German-English dictionary already and reading it every day :).
How will my free time look like? Have a vague idea of this at the moment. Well, one I know, want to get a bike there ASAP and explore the neighborhood. And then time will show. I have lots of plans regarding traveling and visit my friends in Switzerland, Italy, Germany, France etc.Also want to visit beautiful Prague!
And now..I am still residing in my apartment in Vilnius. Everyday meeting my friends and saying good bye :) also getting ready for a trip and official graduation party that will take place on June 29Th. Things are going great despite some really difficult things with close people in my life. But, I guess that's life - one can't have a perfect one!
Feeling lazy today! Till the next post, hope you will be diligent readers of this blog. Will do my best to share all that is going to happen in Austria!

Volunteers Summer 2007

These are amazing people that are going to be working as volunteers in different countries in Europe, Asia, and South America. I had a great privilege to spend 4 rich and unforgetable days among and with them all.